Is sexual addiction starting to become a real problem for you? Take a look at our list for some warning signs you might want to look out for. Sex is a basic part of human nature, and it’s perfectly normal and healthy to have a vigorous libido. But there’s a tipping point when sexual desire can go from being healthy to out of control.
Usually, the difference between enjoying sex and being addicted to sex is apparent. “A healthy sexual appetite can be controlled. If sex is unavailable, it is disappointing but not devastating,” says Tina B. Tessina, PhD, a psychotherapist and author of The Real Thirteenth Step: Discovering Confidence, Self-Reliance and Independence Beyond the Twelve Step Programs. “With a sexual addiction, the addict feels desperate to have his or her sexual outlet, no matter the cost.”
How to Spot Sexual Addiction
A sexual addiction can manifest itself in many ways, so you will need to look for a variety of possible warning signs that you or your spouse or partner is a sex addict. Kathryn A. Cunningham, PhD, director of the Center for Addiction Research at the University of Texas Medical Branch in Galveston, identifies the following possibilities:
- Sex dominates an individual’s life to the exclusion of other activities.
- The individual engages in phone sex, computer sex, use of prostitutes, pornography, or exhibitionism.
- The individual has multiple sexual partners or cheats on partners.
- In extreme cases, the person engages in criminal activities, including stalking, rape, incest, or child molestation.
You masturbate all the time
And I do mean all the time even when you are Watching Concert Party or KumKum Bhagya you are turned on.
You do it in the morning, you do it on your lunch break, and you do it before you go to sleep. It’s just a sign that there are some issues, not a judgment. But if you have some of these other signs and you are beating off 20 to 30 times a week, then you’re a sex addict.
You live a double life
This one is tricky. Maybe you just cheat all the time, and lie about where you are, and how you spend your money. That, in itself, doesn’t make you an addict. But, if you have sexual secrets that you refuse to share with anyone, or if somehow you figure out ways to spend Christmas with two different women (done it) then something is way, way off. Sex and your sexual proclivities are private, but if your whole life is going to go down the tubes if people know what you are REALLY up to, and you have to lie to everyone constantly just to stay afloat, then you have at least the beginnings of a problem.
Your life is constantly in crisis
Because sex is your number one priority some sex addicts do not even realize this, everything else is always totally messed up. When you are at work, you spend the majority of your time trying to get your boss to fuck you, once you succeed, you try to get that cute temp to meet you out for drinks. Once you start banging her, you try for the woman in the cubicle across from yours.
If you manage to stay employed, you are constantly broke, and you get two credit cards your wife doesn’t know about so you can keep up the appearances you need to with your girlfriends. Everything from school, to work, to money, is secondary to feeding your addiction.
You’re preoccupied with sex
I don’t mean this in a “Wow, look at that chick’s ass!” kind of way. I mean, you can’t concentrate on anything for more than 10 minutes without going back into your place of fantasy. Or if you aren’t fantasizing, you are planning your next move. And if you aren’t planning your next move, you are having sex. Which then makes you feel ashamed, so to combat that you go right back into fantasy.
You have sex without regard to potential consequences
You’re out of control. Your wife is upstairs and you are banging her best friend on the couch. It isn’t enough to have sex with a co-worker; you have to do it on your boss’s desk. You just spent your mortgage payment at the strip club, or you just gave your credit card number to your dominatrix online.
If you are doing things that are going to screw you over in the future, and you KNOW they are going to screw you over in the future, then your sex life has crossed the line and is now officially a problem.
Your kink needs to be fed more and more
Some people are into some odd stuff like (50 shades of Grey odd) while some aren’t. There are a myriad of different things that people do to get off, and whether or not you like to be tied up, or walk your girlfriend on a leash isn’t the issue. What is the issue, is if the kink you have becomes your whole scene, and you need to go deeper and deeper into the world to get off. What can start off as fun, can wind up as something deeply destructive down the road.
You hate yourself
Who knows, you could always be a sociopath. But, if you aren’t, and you are going through life hurting other people and destroying yourself, you are going to start disliking yourself quite a bit.
One fact is a lot of people are going through this but they are scared to confide in a counselor or any close friend or relative for the fear of exposure. Please talk to a certified counselor on sexual health and seek help from agencies like PPAG.